Lessons in Success

It’s time to redefine our notions of success, says Alain de Botton, founder of The School of Life – a global educational establishment dedicated to fostering emotional intelligence and bringing philosophy to the masses. Embracing failure, he says, may well be the secret to personal growth.

The quest for perfection is something to which many of us can relate. Contemporary life seems to demand one thing above all else – that we succeed – yet people feel increasingly dissatisfied with their achievements. Coupled with harsh self-criticism that’s encouraged by continual exposure to unattainable ideals, this pursuit of flawlessness can become toxic.
Alain de Botton, the Swiss-British founder of The School of Life, which champions emotional education, believes societal pressures set us up for failure. Our relationship with failing, he claims, has become unhealthy.
“In an age of hyper-competitive capitalism, when things go badly, we don’t just feel we have failed but that we are failures,” De Botton says. Failure, he explains, has become entwined with personal value. “Everything from advertising to television and movies suggests people end up with the success they deserve – that those who do succeed are more virtuous and harder working. The implication follows that those who fail deserve it.”

Dubbed “the people’s philosopher” by The Guardian, De Botton has helped bring accessible philosophy to millions worldwide through best-selling books, his widely popular TED talks and a bricks-and-mortar offering, The School of Life, which was set up in 2008 and now has 11 locations around the world.
De Botton feels strongly about our precarious relationship with failure that he’s placed it at the heart of The School of Life’s curriculum. It’s “How to Fail” class – a regular fixture of the London, Amsterdam, Melbourne and Sydney schools – aims to teach people skills to help them handle failure and, perhaps more importantly, reveals the secret of how to fail well. Spaces are coveted, often selling out within hours. Failure is also on the agenda at The School of Life’s Los Angeles conference, a three-day event taking place in February 2019 that delves deeper into emotional fundamentals: think relationships, careers and self-knowledge.
Sarah Stein Lubrano, the school’s head of content, believes our fear of failure is synonymous with a warped notion of success. As a society, she says, we’ve been conditioned to think of success as equivalent to money, status, power and fame. The omnipresence of social media inevitably plays a part in this too, as we judge our self-worth on the popularity of our online persona and are simultaneously bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of perfection, success and happiness. The definition of success, however, suggests it is actually something far less value laden. The Oxford English Dictionary, for one, simply defines success as “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” – not necessarily something linked to fame, wealth or popularity.

AS A SOCIETY WE’VE BEEN CONDITIONED TO THINK OF SUCCESS AS EQUIVALENT TO MONEY, STATUS, POWER AND FAMEMoreover, failure doesn’t necessarily mean an absence of success. “I have not failed 10,000 times,” inventor Thomas Edison allegedly said of his repeated attempts to create a light bulb. “I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work.” ‘Making mistakes’, ‘slipping up’, ’misjudging a situation’ – all these are terms in desperate need of rephrasing if we are to retune our relationship with personal progress and success.
The School of Life’s three-hour failure class also focuses on parental relationship and the influence they can have on our perception of success. De Botton believes we are conditioned from childhood to want to meet our parents’ idealized expectations but when we struggle to find the dream career or perfect relationship that fits this vision, it can have negative effects on our self-esteem. Ultimately, De Botton says, it comes down to relating to our parents not through our achievements but instead through our relationship of love and care.
Stein Lubrano believes there is a way of failing well – that is, accepting our limitations without becoming bitter. “Failing well means being able to gracefully accept a situation that hasn’t gone to plan without being unduly self-critical – to accept that a great deal of failure is simply a part of life,” she says.
This acceptance can help us turn failure into something positive. This may seem like an alien concept to those of us who constantly strive for perfection, but it’s setbacks, not successes, that ultimately shape who we are. Failure may once have been thought of as only being good for learning lessons the hard way, but The School of Life is on a mission to reach us that to fail is normal, even invaluable. Failure, according to De Botton, has become a modern badge of honour. Setbacks and mistakes teach us to become more resourceful, persistent, innovative and resilient as employees, as partners, as people. The bottom line? Failure is a catalyst to success.

Written by Tor Cardona
Image: CC
Publication date: February, 2019

Read Full Article

Find civil society employment opportunities @ NGO Jobs
You can always give Free Donations daily through our unique Click-to-Help platform without cash, credit card or registration!